Deciding Decisions

What am I looking for?

Is anything looking for me?

What keeps me going?

What if connection again falls through the grate

the choice’s always wrong

the boulder always pushing back

I always going uphill

I hate it

Until I don’t

As life goes on

In a trap of time held down and together by gravity

turning in a circle

circling without the ability to turn

and so all you can do is keep going

If you’re stopped, you’re dead

But life goes on

And if I can’t, then I choose to burn

To find peace in the fire

My outsides are burnt but my insides are warm

The fire keeps them alive

Without it I would freeze from already being too cold

Without it I feel dead…

You’re only as healthy as you feel

I know not what I am

This matter creating a soul that transcends matter?

We have evolved into something more than just energy and heat and thoughts

We have evolved past time and place and reason

You may no longer be able to see me

You may no longer be able to be me

As humans, cursed with this gift of making this whatever we see it to be, want it to be, maybe need it

like we have a choice

Is that all I said me or something else

I want to taste it

as I taste it when tasting you

When I’m high

When I want to die

When I float with gratitude

When I look into your eyes

The word love touches its cheek

these feelings are all we have

And then we wakeup and work and eat and drink

just to give time to create and connect and feel

as we are trapped in this box

trapped in these bodies

Though when I feel like I want to die again

I remind that I’m only going to get this once.

All of it, only one time.

as far as we will ever know

There’s no reason and there’s no reason to have one

There are laws of nature and we are nature

Thus we balance being human and being god

I feel bad for those who don’t see that and bad for those who do

But my feelings don’t decide

Either you’re deciding

or you’re letting it decide for you